Someone just won’t let Gordon Boyd be great! After reporting serious news in Knoxville, TN, Gordon threw a Kanye-produced hissy fit over some kind of technical glitch. You can almost see the words “I Quit This Bitch” torpedoing off of his eyelashes heading straight for the ho who fucked with him. The news anchor can see it too, and homeboy is scared. I think he might have pee-peed in his panties a little bit.

You know that as soon the red light on the camera went dark, that news anchor jumped in his Chrysler and headed straight for the border. Hell, everyone in the studio did, because they weren’t going to be around when Gordon the Terrible stomped on through.

via Buzzfeed

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Daisy says, “We just connected straight away, we had an automatic connection. I recognized that he was a lost soul, we had the same behavior patterns, we had a lot in common.

It’s such a tragedy, he was so talented and had so much to offer. He was a sweet, caring, respectful person who just wanted to be loved. Corey was looking forward to the future, he was making plans. He had a movie coming up and he was talking about directing, I can’t believe he would of done this on purpose, it had to be an accident.”

E! News says that shortly after his death, Daisy went on her Twitter (it’s been protected from the public by the CDC) and a left these Tweets:

“I’m sooooooo devastated right now. This is the worst day ever I can’t believe this.”

“Why do I always fall for the lost soul? We could of been lost together, now your lost forever…. Ill miss you.”

Now I’m not saying that Daisy is riding shot gun on the milk train. I’m also not saying that she’s drying her tears with a make-up puff so she’s ready for her close-up when The Insider comes a knockin’. And I’m not even saying that she’s going to mend her broken heart by getting new silicone implants so she’s extra chichilicious for her “I’m So Sad” cover of Penthouse Magazine. I’m not saying any of that! Okay, yes I am.

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Now if Conan wants make his show FULL-ASSED (times a thousand), he needs to get the real CoCo to open his show. Just give her a bathroom counter and she can do this for 60-minutes.

That is worth the price of a million tickets. The truth: That is it.

Click here or here to get your tickets if you care.

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Hopefully, one of us will cross paths with Kate’s rabid possum in the future. Make sure to wink at it if you see it going through your trash cans early in the morning. And throw it a half-smile when you run into it in the waiting room of your therapist’s office. It will be there a lot. We must never forget.

Here’s the former Queen of the Possums showing off her new hair in NYC last night. Apparently, it took them 7-hours to give her a helmet version of Carol Channing’s glorious mop. Yes, 7 HOURS! Supercuts could’ve made her look like “a Southern 40-something divorcee who is forced to work as a hair salon receptionist” in about 10-minutes.

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Unfortunately, Betty isn’t going to handle that bitch by herself, even though we know she can. Betty will have back-up. WNBC (via People) says that the special Mother’s Day episode will also feature Tina Fey, Rachel Dratch, Molly Shannon, Maya Rudolph and Amy Poehler. Technically, Betty doesn’t have any kids, but Lorne Michael said: “She’s the mother of us all in comedy.”

So now we can all DRINK TO THAT all over again! Sandra Lee is once again celebrating this “sweet treat” news with us.

I know it looks like drunk ass Sandra Lee is desperately trying to hold down a tidal wave of vomit shooting up her throat, but that’s actually her “I’m So Excited” face.

And here’s Betty White strolling through Beverly Hills yesterday after getting vagazzled.

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When an H&M in France opened their gates to start selling Sonia Rykiel’s collection for the brand, a mob of mouth-foaming crazies stampeded the joint and were prepared to do whatever it took to get their hands on anything! They ripped each other’s fingers off with their bare teefs, decapitated hos with plastic hangers and choked bitches out with poly-blend sweaters that melt in the sun. This is what it looks like when Kirstie Alley and her friends RRUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNN to Sonic for free root beer floats.

I can understand acting like a lunatic for a free root beer float, but these girls have to buy that crap! It’s not like H&M was giving away free 8-inch dicks, bags of Anderson Cooper’s magical pubic hair or full economy-sized bottles of whiskey! Someone needs to sic an army of Q-tips on all those rabid poly fuckers.

But I’m sure as each and every one of them did the walk of shame out of the store, they lowered their heads in disgust, because they realized that they just murdered a bitch in cold blood for a $60 dress that will break in the wash. POUR LE SHAME!

via 101.5Jamz

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Runners-up:

Using microscopic imaging, the engineers at Toyota are finally able to identify what’s causing their accelerators to stick. - Trixie1223

Tila Tequila prepares to fertilize all her eggs - The Hoople

via Explain This Image

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Anything that has the word “abuelita” on it automatically gets the “Hot Slut” stamp. It’s the way things work. The book’s description is the syrup on the flan:

Abuelita’s hair is the color of salt. Her face is as crinkled as a dried chile. She booms out words as wild as blossoms blooming. She stuffs her carcacha–her jalopy–with all the things she needs: a plumed snake, a castle, a skeleton, and more. Her grandson knows he has the most amazing grandmother ever–with a very important job. What does Abuelita do? With her booming voice and wonderful props, Abuelita is a storyteller. Next to being a grandmother, that may be the most important job of all.

The book’s description is charming, but the real talk truth is that my abuelita would never step outside without covering her salt-colored hair with a black lace veil or a Kangol hat. Or a Kangol hat on top of a black lace veil. Everything else is pretty much on point. All abuelitas permanently have a side-eye on you at all times and they are always cracking their knuckles in preparation for battle.

P.S. - That little gay boy’s eyebrows of perfection deserve a standing ovation.

(For Darcy)

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A source tells Star Magazine that Mario and his girlfriend Courtney Laine Mazza are expecting a baby friend together, “Mario is over the moon with joy since finding out he’s having a baby. She’s approximately three months pregnant and is healthy and happy.”

Mario confirmed the news to his employer Extra, “Courtney and I couldn’t be more excited. I’ve waited my whole life to be a dad, this is a true blessing. I am looking forward to sharing this experience with my family and my family at Extra.”

You know, my guess is that AC Slater got into Jessie’s Spanos caffeine pills and that shit took him so high that he floated into the galaxy. I’m so NOT excited about AC being over the moon. Mario can redeem himself by naming his kid Screech, Lisa Turtle or Miss Bliss.

(Thanks to all who sent this in)

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The New York Post got White Oprah on the phone to get her thoughts on LiLo’s lawsuit against E-Trade. White Oprah was gracious enough to clear her schedule of doing nothing to say this: “They’re little babies doing this, mocking another child who’s just trying to survive Hollywood, basically. I’m just basically glad I took a stand. I’m not going to let them do this to us anymore. Everyone knows Lindsay, like Cher or Madonna.”

Oh, White Oprah, you are crazy as you are orange. You are as delusional as you are peroxide-ridden. You are as genius as you are shameless.

I mean, Lindsay Lohan is hardly a child. The girl can drive a car for fucks sake. Wait, um…bad example. The girl can go number 2 by herself for fucks sake. Wait, um…another bad example. The girl can form a complete sentence. Oh fuck. I give up. White Oprah wins! Lindsay is a child. Shame on, E-Trade! Child on child hate is the worst!

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